At this time of year, with new beginnings and transitions, I often hear about parents and children struggling with separation anxiety. The following is important information for parents. It may be useful to educate oneself about the issue in order to be tuned in to what is happening for one's children.
The key feather of this issue is excessive anxiety related to being separated from those to whom the child is attached.
Things to watch for include irrational fears, nightmares, emotional conflicts, and school refusal. Domestic issues may be related to or could amplify the child’s emotional and behavioural problems.
It is important to explore possible triggers such as losses, stressors, and changes. Issues such as substance abuse and parental conflict may be triggers. Consider nightmares, fears that accompany separation, fear of being alone, and irrational fears and beliefs.
The child needs to attend school. Let the staff know and, together with them, create a plan to manage the child. When dropping off, use positive comments and reaffirming messages such as “mommy, will be at work, but will be here at___”…. And “Everything is the way it is supposed to be.” Do not get caught up in child’s tangential comments or tactics to get you to stay. Be firm and kind with your words, pass child off to staff, and walk away. Your child will rally and will cope once you are gone.
Separation anxiety is normal in young children, however when it interferes with age-appropriate tasks such as attendance, peer interaction or activities, it should be dealt with proactively.
Parents who are reluctant to let their children “go outside”, develop independence, play out without adult supervision, feel anxious/unsafe themselves, will impose anxiety onto their children. This can occur as a result of children feeling as though such activities are seen as unmanageable for their parents. Further, children pick up the message that coping with these stressors is so difficult that avoidance or having a stern set of rules is the only way of managing. This creates a position whereby children are not encouraged to develop skills to manage and cope with risk on their own.
(see S. L. Johnson, 2004)
